I've always believed in Laird Hamilton's philosophy of fitness that you should treat your body like an old truck, never a sports car. If you park a truck for too long it might never start again. The key is to keep the truck moving. Two days into pre-transplant chemo and it was a little harder to get the truck started this morning. After a few minutes of turning the key, giving it gas and a few sprays of starter fluid resulting in lost eyebrow hair, we finally got it to turn over and to the base of a treacherous mountain pass. It's clear that this one is much steeper and longer than the ones that have come before, but we're on our way. Even at the base of the mountain, the road is washed-out gravel and we can't begin count how many switchbacks are ahead. It goes without saying that there are no guardrails. Jenny did such an eloquent job of explaining fear in the last post that there is little for me to add. But you all know how well I do with heights, and suffice it to say that I'm scared shitless. Nonetheless, fear cannot and will not paralyze progress. We've made it two white-knuckled miles up the mountain today (nine laps around the hospital floor), burning three quarts of oil and backfiring as we go (rare occasion that I don't intend this metaphor as a fart joke). The travelers coming down the mountain warn that the pass gets steeper and more dangerous in the miles ahead. Knowing we have no choice but to keep going, I'll continue to get up each day, start the truck and slowly push as far as it will go. Progress will be slowed by clearing rock slides and taking plenty of breaks to cool the overheated engine down and top it off with oil. All along, I am fortunate to have the stiff wind at my back in the form of support from so many of you. I cannot begin to explain the comfort and momentum I find in the shared memories and shared hope contained in messages of support. Even when I do a terrible job of returning phone calls, emails and messages, know that I get them and feel more love from and for you all than words can capture. And if somewhere up ahead the truck doesn't start, I'm lucky to have Jenny riding co-pilot whose strength I cannot comprehend, but can always count on. She seems ready and eager to hop out and push the truck to the top of the mountain, where we can use gravity to jump start it. Once running, we can put the pass in the rear view mirror and coast gleefully down the windy road back to tree line and finally home to the river valleys where we belong. The river valleys where we'll meet back with so many of you, smiling as we sip whiskey from flasks and faithfully cast our flies. River valleys where we can sit back and let the glacier-blue water carry us and recharge our souls as we get lost in the beauty and silently wonder what we will find around the next bend.
Pete
10/15/2015 03:53:59 pm
As I'm reading this, I can't help but to be reminded of the time that we drove your truck into the mountains outside of Anchorage in March. No guard rails that time, either, but with equal measures of beer, cajones, and ingenuity, we made it out in good shape. Keep on Truckin' dude.
Danielle Schroder
10/15/2015 04:52:35 pm
So beautifully written, Sam. I think about you and this helluva journey often. Keep on truckin' on keep on writing. I pray you are coasting down the road home soon!
Jan Atkinson
10/15/2015 07:19:08 pm
Hi Sam...I'm Nelli William's mom and I'm not sure if I've ever met you. I've met your beautiful wife though and believe that you will both make it back to the river valleys. I just want to say that this is the most beautifully written account of a personal struggle that I've ever read.
Ron,Loni & family
10/16/2015 06:15:17 am
You have a heap of help here in Monroe, constantly thinking of you and what we can do to keep the "ol truck running." Can't even imagine the ride your taking but as always the gang here in Monroe will help push you every inch of the way. The view from the front seat may be foggy, but if you look in the rear view mirror it's an amazing mass of family and friends with hope and inspiration abound. "KEEP ON TRUCKING" 10/16/2015 06:59:47 pm
A lovely post - so enjoyable to read. You take a hard thing and turn it into a thing of beauty and inspiration. And fun. Sam and Jenny, you rock!
Lauri
10/17/2015 06:00:00 am
Love you Sam and Jenny. You're in our thoughts everyday. Keep truckin 10/17/2015 10:29:47 am
I come to know you both better with each post shared on this Odyssean journey. You are two of the most amazing souls I know. Wise beyond your years... Mental and physical toughness I have rarely observed before. Comments are closed.
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