"I just don't know what to say." It's something that Jenny and I hear over and over again at times like these. Here's a secret: we don't either. Because there is absolutely no right or wrong thing to say at times like these.
So say what you have to say. Don't overthink it. And for the love of God, don't worry about saying the wrong thing. When they heard the news, some friends, family and even strangers sent carefully crafted well wishes. Some long texts full of nothing but expletives. Some pictures from adventures we've had together, or even beautiful places they were when they heard the news. They were all great and meaningful in their own way. Jenny and I don't subscribe to any one organized religion, but it means the world to us that so many people are praying for us, sending good vibes, or meditating. However you send the positive currents through the universe we feel it, and we appreciate it more than you know. Some friends make cancer jokes, and frequently accuse me of "pulling the cancer card." I love those jokes. cancer is a part of my life and I joke about everything else, so why not that? I've actually come to like cancer jokes so much that I find myself making other people uncomfortable. TANGENT: When on a guided fishing trip with one of Jenny's colleagues this summer and he gave the normal pre-flight spiel about "If you have any medical conditions, let me know." I found myself wanting to say "I have all of the medical conditions and will likely die out there. But don't worry, no one will blame you. Jenny will just kick some dirt over me and we'll call it good." It was only when I realized that would really freak out the real clients on the trip that I decided against saying it. Jenny and I got such a great laugh when I told her that was what I wanted to say. So the takeaways: Don't think everything you have to say needs to be deep and meaningful, and don't stress about the right words to use. There is absolutely no right or wrong thing to say. Hear a really bad joke? Read a great article? Watch an awesome movie or Netflix series? Send it my way. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that. Actually have something deep and meaningful to say but afraid it will be weird because it's hard for all of us to share emotions? Don't worry about it and don't hold back. I can promise you I'm in the same place. On a great hike or bike ride and think of me or Jenny? send a picture. Have a great spotify playlist that makes you happy or relaxed? send it along. Have something you want to say but feel like "I'm not good enough friends with them to reach out?" F*ck it. I've been there so many times and from this side of things it's just silly. And just because you don't hear back from me, doesn't mean it doesn't matter. I can't even begin to count how many messages I received on hard days that cheered me up, how many of you have reached out to me for over a year w/out me ever responding or thanking you, and I'm truly sorry for that. But know that they mean the world to me and of the thousands of comments, emails, facebook messages, texts, phone calls and cards we've received, not one of them has ever said a single "wrong thing." And as the only note of precaution, like so many things I do the title of this post is sarcastic and should not be taken as universal advice. Everyone is different and I'm a weird dude with zero desire for privacy and a slightly twisted sense of humor. Even though it makes me belly laugh, I wouldn't necessarily recommend that it's good advice to accuse other cancer survivors of "pulling the cancer card." Then again, if you feel so compelled, make sure to drop me a note and tell me how it goes.
Danielle Schroder
10/25/2016 06:53:14 am
Awe, this made me cry, Sam! You inspire me daily. And somehow in the dark times, still manage to cause us to chuckle. Thanks for giving us permission to share with you even when we're at a loss for words. I'm still praying for you!
ryan
10/25/2016 10:24:36 am
https://www.youtube.com/user/foilarmsandhog
Bev Mangerson
10/25/2016 03:34:27 pm
❤️❤️👍
Jennie Garst
10/25/2016 06:56:56 pm
Hi Sam! You don't know me and I don't know you, but I do have the pleasure of being related to Pete Young and seeing your blog shared on his FB page. Back in 2012 I had cancer too and I just had to share that I think what you have said is spot on. I also think that the fact that you are "a weird dude with zero desire for privacy and a slightly twisted sense of humor" is serving you well during this shitty, yet equally marvelous, time of your life. And I say pull that cancer card every chance you get! Pull the cancer survivor card too once you are holding that baby in your hand! I'll be praying for you and Jenny. Comments are closed.
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