I took this photo on a rare Saturday in Seattle when Sam was not in the hospital. I quietly listened to podcasts on my headphones and hoped he'd wake up soon so we could go for a walk with Birkie. I'd been awake for hours, but knew he needed to sleep.
I love to look at this photo. When I look at it I feel like I can smell his skin, hear his breathing and feel the warmth of his body next to mine. I always wish I were back in this moment when I see it. And then, I wish I could take those damn headphones off and just be present.
It's so hard to do when our lives are busy and when everything is moving around us so fast. It's even harder to do when we wish things would change and we spend our mental energy looking forward to them being different.
As I've tried to move forward this summer, I've begun to realize what he taught me about being present. Sadly, I think I learned it too late to get to apply it to my relationship with him, but I'm working on it now. Like many things, it's a bittersweet lesson, but I'm grateful.