Today at the clinic I was feeling really overwhelmed with trying (and failing) to be here and fully present for Sam as he meets his new transplant team and learns new procedures, while also working remotely full time.
I care about my work so much and don’t want to let my colleagues down – they are doing important work for Alaska conservation, and as a community, our efforts can use as much help as they can get right now. And yet of course, helping Sam in any and every way I can has to be my priority. Juggling these two things is an ongoing challenge for me. Today, our first day back after a wonderful winter break, I was so aware of this as we launch into new transplant protocols and workups, and as work picks back up before the legislative session and the inauguration of a decidedly anti-conservation federal administration. Sitting in the clinic lobby while waiting for our ride back to the apartment, I was frantically and frustratedly trying to get work done before being offline yet again. A woman was on the phone next to us having a difficult conversation with a far-away loved one about her day at the clinic. These conversations are hard to listen to, but so common here I usually don’t pay attention. I vaguely heard her explain to the person on the other line about the new tumors that had been found, and her risky treatment process. She was so strong and forthwright when she explained what she’d learned today about her treatment plan and prognosis. After pausing a while to listen to the person on the line reply, she continued. My ears and heart heard her so loud and clearly when she said, “You guys are my everything. It’s just so hard that you are not here.” It was only then that she started to cry. I was of course instantly brought back to reality. Though it's hard, I am so lucky to keep my job but be beside Sam every day. I wanted to run over to that lady and give her a huge hug. She must be so scared and lonely. But just then, she wobbled off to her cab and left for her hotel – her only home besides the hospital right now. Sam has been dealt a difficult card when it comes to his health, but we so fortunate in a million ways. Comments are closed.
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