When Sam and I met and first started dating, he was recovering from A.L.L. - his first leukemia treatment. He was still on maintenance chemotherapy and steriods, so he was weak and puffy. But he had this very Sam-like drive to get. the. f*ck. back. OUT THERE - at any cost. (If you know Sam, you know that "Sam-like" is really the best descriptor of this drive.) So of course, while still on chemo, he decided to take me on a 35 mile bike ride out to Paoli and back. It had been YEARS since I'd been on a bike any further than from my apartment to The Chocolate Shoppe (Madison's finest Ice Creamery) and back. I was not in shape and wouldn't have considered myself "active" or "outdoorsy." But you know, I wanted him to think I was cool, and fit, and all such things. Plus, he was still on chemo for christ sake! So I said yes to this ride idea. (I was also broke, so I called one of my parents and asked them to buy me a bike helmet.) Anyway, Sam gets all suited up in his road biking kit: clip-in shoes, spandex bike shorts, bike jersey, gloves, glasses, etc, and then tunes up his fancy carbon fiber road bike. You get the picture. I, of course, don't have any of that... or a bike, except for the one that's rusted and locked onto a bikerack somewhere in Madison - and I had no idea what the code on that lock may be. It's probably still there now. "Not to worry," Sam said. He pulled out a single-speed mountain bike for me to ride along with him for our 35-mile inaugural ride together. I now know how ridiculous it is to set out with a fancy road bike and a single speed mountain bike and expect to ride "together" for any distance, but that day I just rode along as fast as I could, and he knew my ignorance made us the pefect pair as he got back into biking shape after treatment. It worked out perfectly. We both had a fabulous ride, and cheerfully and exhaustedly ate loads of pizza when we were done. ---
Eventually I'll have to admit to you that I haven't been blogging because this round of treatment is sucking too much to tell you honestly how I feel about it like I did last time. I guess that's right now, huh? Last time, I was learning how to be a caregiver and how to process hard things. I was learning a new medical language. Now, I'm familiar with all of it and I guess I'm a tad bitter about needing to use these skills again on a daily basis. I think that knowing that my bitterness might shine through on the blog has been keeping me from writing because it's difficult to admit to not handling things well. I've also told you a story of "normal" Sam and Jenny time because I so desperately miss "normal Sam and Jenny" that even typing out that sentence hurts my soul and stings my eyes. --- Back to now. Sam has been out of the hospital for three whole weeks - in a row! This time period is supposed to be his chance to allow his body to recover before going into the intense transplant process. While some recovery has happened, the past few weeks have been full of ups and downs. One complication will recover or resolve, and then something else pops up. Because of the rollercoaster, it hasn't been the rejuvinating time he needs. I won't say, "the rejuvinating time that we were hoping for," because I think we're smart enough not to get our hopes up anymore and just roll with the punches. Anyway, more concerningly, due to the rollercoaster, the "recovery time" also hasn't instilled much confidence in us or his doctors about how the transplant will go. Luckily, there is still time for that confidence to build before we need to forge ahead. Specifically, right now we are hoping that the nodules in his lungs (aka pulmonary pnumonia) go away. His liver and kidney functions are on the mend, so that is nice progress to see. --- I'll end this scattered post by saying that while there is a lot we both wish were different this holiday season, there's a lot to be grateful for too and I'd be remiss not to mention it. First, he was WAY more sick this time last year, so Christmas is already looking up in comparison. Second, we'll be with his family, and what more can you really ask for than to be with family? We also are fortunate to have health insurance, and a support network that is what I consider to be an indelible army of warriors, pray-ers, partiers, joksters and saints. A.k.a. someone is ALWAYS there for any mood, need or occasion :) Thank you for being there and reliving stories with me. Happy holidays, everyone. We love you.
Abbey McMahon
12/21/2016 04:46:34 pm
Love, love, love you to pieces Jenny. I remember texting you last Christmas wishing for peace. I'll wish for the same this year, along with a rejuvenated hope for the future. Hang in there, and I hope you both can enjoy some time with family. Love ya <3
Tom and Linda
12/21/2016 08:12:23 pm
Merry Christmas Sam and Jen. We're praying for you both. We're on our way to Florida. We brought our camper and we're camping by St Louis. It's about 29 degrees out, but that's better than 15 below that we struggled with in Wis before we left. May God bless you with a swift recovery!
Dan Dunaway
12/21/2016 09:14:41 pm
Wishing and praying for all the best to you both.
Megan Hall
12/22/2016 05:41:59 am
thinking about you both always!!! happy holidays!!
Janelle Bamlett
12/22/2016 11:34:16 am
Jenny, thanks for sharing the story-- you and Sam continue to be in my thoughts. I am pleased his family is w/you this Holiday season. Keeping you all in my prayers.
marilyn tucker
12/22/2016 05:33:11 pm
Sam and Jen - I know I don't have to remind you of the reason we celebrate the season - enjoy your time together and with family - life is not always kind - you deserve more and may you find in in 2017
Cheryl Edwards
12/22/2016 07:27:20 pm
Merry Christmas, many blessings and prayers being sent your way.
Bev Mangerson
12/22/2016 10:09:32 pm
Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to both of you. You are in our thoughts and prayers, as always. So happy that Jim and Deb are there with you. You have an amazing family ❤️
Dawn Allen
12/23/2016 02:08:26 am
Love and prayers!!
Randy and Susan Booton
12/25/2016 06:51:31 pm
Merry Christmas Sam and Jenny! We hope your day has been a good one in spite of the difficult times. We continue to think of you both on a daily basis, sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!! Randy and Susan Comments are closed.
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