Delicately, it began to mist yesterday morning as I finished my run, which was a welcome way to cool and settle me down. By the time I had showered and headed to the coffee shop, it was sprinkling. With my americano, I sat by the window with intentions to work, but instead I cried. I cried that I was hours from getting married and my mom, dad, sister and my uncle Scott were hundreds of miles away. It rained as I dried my eyes and walked back to the condo, and it continued as we left again to go get our marriage license from the County Clerk's office and drove to the clinic for Sam's last treatment. It rained when I picked up flowers from a very perplexed florist. By the time Sam and I pulled onto Arboretum drive, white-dress and bowtie donned, fittingly, it was pouring. If you've followed this blog, by now you've probably noticed that rain has become an unintentional theme. So the fact that it was raining on our marriage day was not a problem. We can deal with rain. Standing under our blue pop-up tent illegally erected in the Arboretum, and surrounded by the freshest-smelling pines and wet squishy grass between my barefoot toes, the rain pounded the tarp roof and poured down the sides. Convened there were our two best Madison pals with their son as our witnesses, and Sam's pseudo-brother, Pete, who had been given a supplemental court commission to officiate our ceremony, and his family. And, my sister and nephew on FaceTime. It was happy and the rain made it cozy. We were all ecstatic. Still, there were a lot of things I couldn't deal with. I could never quite wrap my head around the fact that marriage is so much about the future, and yet cancer is the ultimate test of living each second in the present. I couldn't wrap my head around the major life event that was happening, while still maintaining that it was OK that my big sister wasn't standing next to me. I couldn't process the touching things that were said, like when Sam started his vows with explaining our intimate understanding of “in sickness or in health.” The past few months, many family members, friends and our great and growing community have helped sustain us emotionally and reminded us the value in generously repeating the phrase “I love you.” These people (you, reader) matter SO much. And since you were not present, we maintained that this day, this very important day, was for legal, financial, practical reasons. That it was “our marriage,” but not “our wedding,” because you need to be there for that. That the big, meaningful celebration where we’ll feel all the feelings and dance until the sun rises… with hope, that will come later. Still, it was hard to make one of the most important promises of my life without my beloved people there. It was SO, so hard. But it also… wasn’t. I’ve been ready to marry Sam since, oh, about a month after we began dating. I remember the second I first laid eyes on him. I remember so many pivotal moments of our past five years together in which I became more and more certain that he is the one I want to spend my life with. So that part was easy. We weren’t nervous. We also didn’t have vows to remember, or fancy clothes to keep from wrinkling, or makeup to keep from smearing. We didn’t have seating arrangements, or first dances, or caterers. We just had our nine attendees (five adults, four children), our tent, the Arboretum, the rain and each other. We were SO ready, and becoming a Weis is a title I had hoped to adopt since, well, longer ago than is probably acceptable to admit so… publicly. Our ceremony lasted only a few minutes. After which, we packed up our tent and drove to Debi and Jim’s condo. (Great quote by Sam in the car: "Just think Jenny, all this time and marriage was only four minutes away.") At the condo, Debi and Jim had thoughtfully decorated, gotten dinner, champagne, and made a “cake” consisting of a tower of Greenbush doughnuts, my favorite. We cherished the moments of sharing a meal and ending the special day with these people. Still, the whole time epitomized ‘bittersweet’ for me. Cancer is scary. Our situation is difficult. Our future is uncertain. Our actual wedding is unplanned, and staying so. But our marriage is awesome, and began as happily as it possibly could have thanks to an army of support; a spectacular officiant; and the best, kindest, most incredible man who I now get to call my husband. This story is very much still unwritten, but that particular day is done. Since you matter to us so much, I wanted to share it with you. And saying I can’t wait to share it with you some more at a real wedding is an understatement, but you know that. But first, we have more rain to get through. Our "Marriage Day" Photos
Judy & Lawrence Heilman
8/29/2015 01:45:09 pm
Thank you for sharing your special day. Even if all your loved ones and friends were not their in person you know that they were with you in spirit. It's OK to be sad and happy at the same time. Sad that it wasn't just the way you had planned it but so happy that you have each other and can march ahead no matter how much rain might fall. I loved your doughnut cake, you might have started a new trend. I'm sure it was much better eating then some of the wedding cakes I have ate in the past. Keeping you in our hearts, sending HUGS, LOVE and PRAYERS
Eric and Brittney
8/29/2015 02:10:57 pm
Thank you so much for sharing the story of your wedding day with us on your blog, we enjoyed reading it together and could only imagine it's spontaneous beauty! You both inspire us every day and we cannot wait to tell you congrats in person. But until then we love you both, enjoy continuing to write the story :)
Mom
8/29/2015 10:04:52 pm
Sweetie, we were there with you Friday, just as we are every day. And each minute. The newest Weis' are very, very loved!
Liz and Sam
8/30/2015 05:54:21 am
A more beautiful bride and groom I've never seen. Mom^ is right -- your smiles were the sunshine. With your husband's blessing, Jenny, I look forward to helping you create a kick ass dance mix for the wedding! We love and miss you more than you know! Alaska will be here waiting for you. xoxo
Bev Mangerson
8/30/2015 07:50:44 am
Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful day with us! 💞👰. Wishing you all of the very best You are in our thoughts and prayers. xo
Cindy Vethe
9/4/2015 05:30:28 pm
Wishing you the VERY BEST Sam & Jenny! Thank you for sharing your day with us all. Your writings are beautiful. Our thoughts and prayers are with you! Comments are closed.
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